RUNNER

I have always been a runner. Running serves multiple purposes in my life; a coping mechanism, my favorite form of exercise, a personal test, a release, a sanctuary where I retreat when I need to feel something real in a world of illusions, and so on. At some point in life my running changed. I stopped running away from the things that scarred me and started running towards the things I wanted. I can not say for certain when that exact moment was. I have a feeling this transition occurred around 2000 A.D. on the rainy island of Okinawa. I distinctly remember being out late one night running, 10pm or later. As I was heading out on my run, I stopped at the pull ups bars. The Battalion Chaplin happened to be there. Our conversation went a little something like this:

Chaplin: “Marine, I always see you out running. I just gotta know, what are you running from?”

Me: “I am not running from anything, Sir. I’m running towards something.”

Chaplin: “Interesting, but I find that hard to believe, out here in the dark running alone.”

Me: “Maybe I’m running from the same thing that has you out here doing pull ups in the middle of the night, Sir.”

I can not say for certain that night my running changed, but it was definitely the first time I verbalized this change of purpose. Since that humid Okinawan night I have run hundreds, probably thousands of miles. Each mile ran, I learn something about myself; Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always something.

I can not imagine that there will ever by a day when I won’t run. Maybe, but it is highly unlikely. I am sure as I evolve, so will my running, and vice versa. Below is a poem I wrote a few years ago about “running”. I hope you enjoy it.

RUNNER

When you met me

You knew I was a runner

You knew I sought refuge in these shoes

That when shit hits the fan

I hit the streets

176 steps per minute = 6:08 pace

Sweat running down my face

Adrenaline running through my veins

And Honey… I can do this all-night-long…

Run that is

You see I had a good teacher

"Jackie"

She taught me well

Taught me that if I ran hard enough and long enough

The burning in my thighs could replace this pain in my chest

That responsibility was only temporary

That there was nothing we couldn’t run from

Rent's due – RUN

Another bad check – RUN

No more hand outs – RUN

Unconditional love, bullshit…

There is no such thing, so you better – RUN

And that’s what we did

Mama took my by my hand and we ran

But she failed to realize that boy would develop into this man

So here I am

Standing here

In this constant state

Straddling this door way

With one foot out

Always ready to –RUN

And I know I deserve better

I know I could be so much more

IF I could just shake this urge to run

Genetically predisposed to navigate these asphalt seas

Physically weakened by the sting of honey bees

Seeking out off ramps and escape routes

Covering my tracks

Backtracking

Mapping out new routes to old destinations

Sprinting out the back doors of places I never should have been

Mischievous grins, thoughts, mistakes

All fuel my next 10K

Feet keep turning, leading me away from my ability at being great

Always just a step away…

Always just a step away

This false sense of freedom

Is it fear?

Is it a fucking lie?

Or just weakness disguised as independence?

But I don’t wanna be alone, impendent of you

What is the point of running a race if there is no one there to cheer you on?

What is the point of taking another step if it is not leading me closer..

To greatness... to completeness… to LOVE…

All things working together for the greater good

Ideally this is great

But I’m doing it again…

Sprinting out the back door of a thought

Where I never should have been

I’m running towards a quickly setting son of a woman

Who only taught her baby boy how to – RUN